Billie Eilish Describes Her Body As Her “Ugly Friend”
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains information about disordered eating which may be triggering to some.
In a new interview, the 20 year old opens up about her estranged relationship with her body, who she refers to as her “ugly friend”, and how she’s found the confidence to love herself (sort of).
Eilish revealed that her relationship with her body “has been a truly horrible, terrible thing since I was 11”.
“”I remember taking a pill that told me that it would make me lose weight and it only made me pee the bed—when I was 12,” the star told the publication.
However, when Eilish turned 18, we saw her relationship with her body shift as she began to shed the layers of oversized clothing that she used as a safety blanket from critique and reclaim her own sexuality.
Yet, Eilish is still embroiled in this dichotomy between covering up and embracing her body.
“Wearing baggy clothes, nobody is attracted to me, I feel incredibly unloveable and unsexy and not beautiful, and people shame you for not being feminine enough,” she said.
“Then you wear something more revealing and they’re like, ‘You’re such a fat cow wh-re, I’m a sl-t and I’m a sell-out and I’m just like every other celebrity selling their bodies, and whoa! What the f-ck do you want?”
Reflecting on this shift in style, Eillish addresses her concern of swinging too hard in either direction. “I do have this worry that I felt so undesirable that I may have occasionally tried too hard to be desirable,” she added.
However, it seems that being vulnerable and honest about her own experiences is helping Eilish come to terms with how she views her body.
“I feel far more solid in who I am. I feel different now, like I’m desirable. I feel like I’m capable of being as feminine as I want to be and as masculine as I want.” We wouldn’t want her any other way.